Silent Night
by wakawaka22
Summary: A contest entry for NSou. KakaIru.  "Aim it right here."


**Hey. Contest entry for NSou http:/(slash)nsou(dot)deviantart(dot)com/journal/40383825/ **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**I'm sorry this sucks. Only now do I realize how difficult it is to write according to a set storyline -.-"  
>Enjoy!<strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>Why can't… Why can't you ever listen!"<em>

The moon shines bright, reveling in all its glory.

"_This… This isn't even about Icha Icha anymore, is it?"_

Hanging in the still night air, spreading the rays of light all around. Free, beautiful, lighting up the darkness…

"_Does it matter! Do you ever even hear me speaking now, I wonder? Or is your mind always wandering away? Am I just a disturbance to you? A low-leveled chuunin who's simply there for a convenient fuck?"_

And yet, it's someone else's rays it's reflecting.

"_Wait, what? So __**that**__'s what this is all about? I thought we'd gone through this before!"_

I wish I could be the moon.

"_Apparently not, eh? Maybe because if you actually listened, instead of always gallivanting off on your own, you'd realize that not everything is about you!"_

But then I'd have to rely on the sun.

"… _What? You're not even making any sense anymore!"_

And, well, would that really be such a bad thing after all?

"_Of course I'm not! 'Coz you're the only one who ever makes sense in this world, isn't it? You're always right!"_

I'm hugging my knees, thinking ridiculous thoughts about inanimate objects as the wind picks up. I'd always thought I led a pretty decent life, setting a good example for the students of the Academy. The poor innocent children, they had so much to learn about the world, especially when they would grow up as shinobi.

"_No! Not at all! What are you even saying? Here, c'mere, you're just tired –"_

"_No! Let go of me, you scum!"_

But now, look at me. What role model? I'm just a pathetic human, sitting on his cold bedroom floor, wallowing in my own misery. Freezing my butt off as I close my eyes. It's too much.

"_Don't touch me! Don't you __**ever**__ touch me!"_

I can't even hold on to the most precious thing in my life. What worth do I have? I have no right, no right at all to be with him. But despite that, he still stayed with me, providing comfort.

Why?

"_**I.**_

_**HATE.**_

_**YOU."**_

Sometimes, sometimes I wish, I just wish…

"… _What…"_

"_Just… Just leave, please. You have a mission, remember? Just… leave already."_

Why couldn't everything be as perfect as it was, back as a child? Everything was so simple then, no worries, no responsibilities, no mistakes so grave that they couldn't be rectified…

"…_Fine."_

I just wish that he was here, as usual, coming through the window like every other night.

~O~

Iruka vaguely shook his head, vainly attempting to sort out the emotions whirling in him with that one action. Tilting his head up, he fancied he saw Kakashi there, smiling as he did after every mission, only to see an empty sky void of stars.

He felt his throat close, tears prickling his eyes. Shamefully, he buried his head in his knees once more, a choked sob escaping him.

"I'm… sorry."

He hated how his voice broke.

…

"…Iruka-sensei?"

~O~

The place looks untouched, unchanged from that night. I can't help but feel a sense of foreboding; has he left?

The familiar brown wall papering, the made bed – or maybe there was just no one to sleep in it –, the books placed neatly in the shelf in alphabetical order, the shelf with the fresh flowers…

Flowers? Fresh? Maybe there was still hope after all…

Ah. That photo. Taken the first day we moved in together, slightly blurry from Naruto's uncontrollable excitement. Iruka had been embarrassed, all dirty and sweaty from unpacking the boxes; he hadn't wanted his first picture in the nice home to be of him looking so unpresentable. Nevertheless, Naruto had gotten his way, managing even to catch the grey-haired pervert smirking in the background.

Fond memories…

No time to dawdle. I turned swiftly on my heel – no point in reminiscing if he'd really gone – and made my way to the kitchen. My eyes immediately zoomed in on a steaming cup of hot cocoa, delicious scent wafting towards me and bringing back memories of past winters spent together lounging on the couch.

The pot of water is still boiling, sending warm steam into the chilly air. I am grateful; these little things, everyday things, mean there's still someone here.

"_Even if we don't agree with each other, even if we argue with one another, even if things get bad between us. You know I will always forgive you. Because no matter what, I will always love you."_

Iruka, were those words true? Then did those rather different three words mean nothing at all?

… Or was it the other way round, and the words that cut into me so deeply were the ones you actually meant?

Regardless. Oh, the tap that we never got round to fixing. Do you remember, Iruka, that day?

"_Oh, Kakashi, it seems the tap is leaking again."_

"_What? Didn't we just get it fixed last week?"_

_Iruka shrugged. Hell if he knew._

"_Let's try ourselves, this time."_

_Pulling up his sleeves and revealing long, tanned muscular brown arms to a certain pervert, Iruka squatted on the floor, box of tools by his side. Firm butt waving temptingly in the air, he reached into the cavernous cupboard, trying to make sense of the numerous rusty pipes._

"_Hey, a little help here? I don't even – WHOA!"_

_Both struggled against the sudden onslaught of water, but even the legendary copy nin was no match against such a powerful force. Drenched from head to toe, he could only laugh at his dripping partner, deep frown planted firmly on his face at his obvious mess-up._

"_Don't just laugh! Start cleaning up this mess! –Sigh –I guess we're just going to have to call those professionals again."_

"_Hey 'Kashi, what was their number again? Six, four, eight- ha! S-stop it! S-Stop n-nuzzling-g-gnnnh!"  
>"Ooooh, 'Kashiii!"<em>

Yeah, they never did get round to fixing that pipe.

_*Rustle*_

Mere centimeters from my face, a recently sharpened kunai glinted in the yellow kitchen light, pointed straight between my eyes.

My hand lowered, and I slowly used my other hand to pull down my mask.

"Iruka… It's me."

A half-formed smile to let him know I meant no harm.

Shocked eyes stared at me as realization dawned, and those lovely brown orbs softened for a moment as the hand holding the kunai slackened.

Only for those warm eyes to harden and the kunai to be thrust more determinedly than ever at me.

… Silence.

I could see. I could see the hurt in his eyes, the turmoil he was facing, the anger and hatred and self-loathing. He was hurting, perhaps hurting himself more than he'd claimed I hurt him, and the grip on the kunai tightened to the point the knuckles on his hand turned white. Hands which had killed unhesitatingly before, acting on unseen orders, fighting for their worth. Hands that could very well kill _him_ now and yet hands which had caressed and held him gently as if he were God's gift to the world.

The hurt came crashing in waves onto him.

Regret, fear… But not fear for his life. Fear for the man who stood before him, hand shaking in its intensity and self-warring, fear for what he had done to the caring, kind-hearted man.

What had he done?

~O~

Acting on instincts, the gray-haired, weary man used a battle-scarred hand to bring down the kunai, shivering hand and all, towards his jugular vein.

In a voice almost scary in all its seriousness, he said,

"Aim it right here."

Just like that, the walls came crashing down, facades crumbling as his beloved gave into the already open arms. Sobbing gently, the academy teacher dropped the kunai – _stupid kunai_ – and wrapped strong arms around his love, never wanting to let go. How had he been so stupid, so ready to give up this… this angel? For surely there was no being able to invoke such strong emotions in him, for him to say the very words he loathed – "_I hate you."_ – only for him to break down and cry in front of the very same man he'd said those words to.

_Drip._

_Drip._

Kakashi and Iruka both turned simultaneously, their precious moment broken by an insistent inanimate object.

Grunting, Kakashi mumbled into soft brown hair –

"We should really get that pipe fixed."

* * *

><p><strong>Review please! :3<strong>


End file.
